My Mother.........A tribute...

4 generations

Ma's 85th birthday 10/22/11

Ma and Leo Cristian 2011

Ma and Tobi Lu 1991

Zach, Ma, and Tobi 2007

Martin, Me and Ma 1991

Ma................ What an amazing woman!

She has always been the strongest woman I've ever known.

I've always believed that she could leap tall buildings in a single bound, and I KNOW she has eyes in the back of her head.  She can also see around corners and through walls!

She raised 4 kids on her own from the time we were very small.

She put herself through school at night, one class at a time, to enable her to get a good job and keep us all fed, housed, and clothed.

Sure, we had to share bikes, shoes, toys, and her, but she never once let us be hungry, cold, or feel like we were not loved to the moon and back.  And we never knew how poor we really were.  She made us the most fortunate kids on earth...

She was Mom AND Dad, and she did a really good job of it!

She faced and endured the agony of losing a baby at 3 months old, but she didn't let it break her.  She only bent a great deal, but managed to find her way back to her feet.

She endured agonies most of us have never known, but again, didn't let it break her.

And she didn't let it show to us kids.

Ma is everything I've ever wanted to be: strong, capable, loving, independent, and joyous.

She knows Jesus personally, and I know that they talk frequently, and I've never known anything that she's prayed for that hasn't come to pass...

She played with us, disciplined us, laughed with us, took us on amazing vacations to very wonderful places, and was there when we needed her.  She cheered us on, helped us back up onto our feet more times than we deserved, chewed our butts when we needed it, and pulled more than one of us out of a pit we had flung ourselves into.

Through it all, she loved us more than we could ever imagine, in ways that we didn't understand until we had kids of our own.

Ma remains to the day, a hero in my eyes and in my heart, and I really need to tell her that more often.
We've come full circle, she and I, and I only wish I had more than all my love to give her.......I can't ever fill her shoes..

I don't get enough time to spend with her, and I can't always express the depth of the gratitude I have for her.
I only hope my own kids see me as I see her......the most AWESOME mother a kid could ask for!

I love you, Ma.

Musings on Concepts...

Faith.... What a simple concept... 

I have faith that the sun will rise in the morning...

I have faith that a seed I planted and watered will grow from the ground and flourish if I take care of it...

I have faith that God exists...

I have faith that Christ died for ME, and all of the rest of the people on this earth..

I had faith that the tiny egg that was fertilized inside of me would grow into a child I would love with all my heart, soul, mind and strength....3 different times.......

If all these things are so easy to believe, then WHY do I struggle to have faith that God is there, willing and waiting for me to ALLOW Him to carry ME?

It IS easier now than it was yesterday to believe that, but still I struggle...

I've laid so many things in my life on His altar.............and some of them I've run back to the altar and picked them up again......only to have God tell me, "I got this."

I have a cross stitched picture on my refrigerator that says, "Let go, and LET God."

Why is that concept so hard???

Guess it's time to get back on my knees before Him again, and again, and again.........

My kids....

Chris - 10; Tobi -3; and Zach - 1

Chris and Vincent

Tobi - 8 months

Tobi and Leo just moments after his birth 4/23/11

Zach - 3 with his chicken pox

Walt, Zach and me at his graduation, June 2012

I was sitting here tonight listening to the laughter of my youngest son and his friend Bradley coming from the living room, and thought about how much more rich my life has been with these kids in my life.

Christopher Robin (Buddy) is almost 28.  My oldest son, with whom I share a very special and complex bond.  He and I were alone together for his first 6 years.  Vincent Robert was born when Christopher was young, and Vincent is now 9.  I shared the moment of Vincent's birth with Christopher.  What an incredibly life-changing event that was for me.  I had no idea that I had a place in my heart that was empty until Vincent was born.

He has always been intensely intelligent, and has by far, of all of my children, the most vivid imagination.  Christopher is an artist, and shares that talent with the world in many different media.

Christopher was the one who helped me make it through my chemistry and math classes in nursing school!  Christopher has been the one I've shared very "out there" conversations with.

Christopher has been, and always will be, a huge blessing in my life.  

October Louise (Monkey, as Daddy called her) and (Tobi Lu as Ma calls her) is 22 and my middle child.  She is the one I've shared special "girl" giggles with, played dress up with, and cried with over many, many experiences.

Leo Cristian was born in 2011, and I shared the moment of his birth with her.  Again, a place in my heart filled up!

October is my daughter, and that bond is extraordinary between us.  She, too, is a huge blessing.

Tobi is an incredible mother to her son, and I've been able to share many of the milestones with her.  Leo is an awesome kid, and I give Tobi much credit for that.  He is articulate and well behaved (most of the time) and I truly enjoy spending time with him.

Zachary Alexander (Zach) is 18, my younger son, and I don't think he really likes being the baby...  He and I share the bond only the youngest one shares with their mother.  He's been a huge blessing as well.  

Zachary has an incredibly musical soul.  He takes after his father in this, as I can't carry a tune in a very large bucket.  Zachary is often found in his room, strumming a guitar; at his friend Logan's house pounding his drums; or singing his heart out no matter where he finds himself.

I love listening to Zach create his music.  Zach has learned many of the songs his father used to sing, and has shared them with me.  Zach also writes music, but hasn't shared too much of that with me.  He will, someday.

Walt wasn't Christopher's father, but we married when Chris was 5.  Walt was an awesome Dad to all of the kids, and for that I will always be grateful.  Tobi and Zach inherited many of their father's traits, and Walt instilled those traits in Christopher as the years went by.  Christopher was truly a child of his heart.

My kids lost their dad when he died on August 19, 2012, and I lost my best friend.  This shared experience has drawn us together in ways we couldn't have imagined.  We've regained parts of our relationships that might have not come back together without this happening.

My kids are strong, independent, and dependable adults.  I'm not sure how much influence I had in this, but I am very grateful...

God gave me a family that only He could have chosen... And I thank Him.

Lightbulb over the head time!! :) Thank you, Journey Church!!

When I was living in Raleigh, NC a couple of years ago, God led me to Journey Church on Spring Forest Road...........            http://www.takeajourney.org/    Please visit their web page!

Anyway, now that I look back on those years, I realize that so much of that part of my life was all part of God's plan to get me into that church.  I can't believe it was meant to be any other way.

I went through a very bad place at that time in my life, with very bad people in it.  God enabled me to escape that particular pit I was in, and I am very grateful.

He put me in the most amazing place with the most amazing people!  When I walked into their building, I KNEW Jesus lives there......

Pastor Jimmy Carroll and his wife Beverly, (wonderful, beautiful, heart full of Jesus kind of people) welcomed me with open arms, and loved me, hugged me, and cherished me in a way that I've never been loved before.  Pastor Jimmy is a pastor who really, really believes and lives that when you say YES to Jesus, it is all the way, every way, all day, every day.  He makes God's word LIVE, and he does it in such a way that it is totally relevant to every single person in the audience.  He also does it in a way that is comfortable when it needs to be, and also uncomfortable when it needs to be.

He just tells it like it is.

Beverly is the most available woman I've ever met.  When she focuses her attention on you, you feel like you are the most important person in her life!  I've been the recipient of that attention, luckily, and that warmth and love emanating from her wrapped me right up, and I can still feel it, 1300 miles away, and a year and a half later!

The people that make up that church also welcomed me, and embraced me.  Nobody there cares what kind of person you are, where you come from, or what your circumstances are.  We are all children of God, and that is all that matters.

But I didn't start this post to expound on how wonderful that experience was, even if it did change my life in ways I didn't know it needed changing....

I left Journey and Raleigh in October of 2011, with the saddest heart...but was following the path God put me on.  Back to Wisconsin to my family who needed me, but leaving a few very important parts of my family behind.... my oldest son, and Journey Church.

We were in the beginning of a series called EPIC, a journey through the bible from Genesis to Revelation.

I really hated to leave in the middle of the series, but God wouldn't wait for me to be ready, He made me leave when I did.

Anyway, last night I went to the church web site, and watched the 3rd part of the series.  I had watched it a while back, and took notes then, and took notes last night.  I found the older set of notes today, and made the most incredible discovery...

I've been doing a lot more "following" than "leading" lately, really praying hard for God to open my heart and mind to HIS will vs. MY will..... 

And last night's watching of that sermon and the question session in the evening made clear to me that I have GROWN in my journey with God!!!  I understood so much more of what Pastor Jimmy was talking about, and I really "got" it more this time.  Talk about amazed!

And I am going to go back and watch all the sermons I've missed along the way... I do this when I feel especially lonesome for Journey and the people there.  And I know I will hear God's word spoken GOD'S way............

God has, and IS filling me up!

I am so thankful for God's grace, and much more thankful for His mercy....

WOW! I sure miss my MIND....

Tuesday afternoon at work, I was sitting there merrily working away....then a co-worker (Mike) walked past my cube, stuck his head in, and said something.  Well, me with my horrible hearing (even with my new hearing aides, I wasn't paying attention) didn't really hear correctly what he said.  

So, I said, "I'll be right there," thinking he told me it was time for a break.

I finished what I was doing, and got up and put my coat on to go outside.  I didn't see Mike anywhere, but didn't really think anything of it.

I got outside, and there were other people out there, so I talked and took my break.  Never did see Mike, but I figured he must have gone out to his truck out front for something, and we were out back.

I went back into the building, and kept thinking to myself, "I wonder where Mike went?"

Sat down at my desk, and continued working.  After a while, another co-worker came up to my desk and mentioned how dedicated I was, to still be there so late...... ?????

I looked at him and asked him, "What do you mean, LATE??"

I then looked at my watch, it's 4:30.....................I usually leave at 3:30...............


I forgot to go home...............DUH....

Some days, I tell ya...  :)

Mike had actually told me he was going HOME...

God showing off again....

Was sitting here after supper, watching the sun and the clouds interact tonight...

It just amazes me that every day is different; colors, composition, length of time He shows it off, and on and on...

Here are some of the pictures from tonight and other nights that I just loved....

Reminds me again that our God is Awesome....

Blessings in my life...

Vincent (My older grandson)

Walt (My best friend for 30 years) who died 8/19/12

 Mom and Leo (my younger Grandson)

Martin (My younger brother) and Leo

Martin's wife and their 4 younger kids

Lori (My sister of my Heart) and Me

Granny and Leo

Tobi, Zach, Robs, and Ma

Toya (who is 21 now)

All my kids and me at Christmas 2012

Angela (An awesome friend of long standing) and me

Robs (a child of my heart) and Me

My precious Petey, who died at 20 - 11/7/11  I still miss him terribly!

Aunt Mollie and Me 1994 - She died 8 years ago...My surrogate Mother

Beautiful Casey, another sister of my Heart!

These are a few of the blessings in my life.....And sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky...

It's Monday??

Yes, it is Monday... 

I was stuck in town because of the snow, so ended up leaving late to go back to work.

As I drove along the back country roads that I travel each week, I had another chance to just look around at all the beauty God has given us.

To use the words of Miss Beverly... God knocked my socks off!

All along the road, there were trees covered with snow, and such a beautiful sight!  They all looked as though God had painted them with whipped cream!

I don't really care for snow much, but this was amazing!

I get a chance to just be alone in my car on my trips, and often I will find myself talking to God along the way.  Sometimes I just wish He would answer me back during our conversations....

All in all, a quiet and reflective time in the car.

Hope your day was a great one!