After Ma died, I wanted to crawl under a rock and just hide forever.....

After a month or two sitting here trying to decide what direction to go in, (I can't go far, I don't have a car right now) I decided that I would use a talent that I have to try and make sense of it all.

I started thinking about making a quilt.

Here's the first plan:

Then I started working on it.  I got to this point:

And THAT is when I realized that the seams didn't meet where they were supposed to........

So I took it all apart, down to the center piece.  I re-measured some of the yellow squares, and figured out that they were too small in one direction.  Other pieces just plain were WRONG....

As I sat here, re-cutting some pieces, adding other pieces, taking some pieces completely out and changing them.....I thought long and hard about my life and my relationship with my mother.

Over the years, I have gotten some things REALLY wrong..........totally MESSED UP others, and at some points, needed to completely discard parts of my life, and start over.

At these points in my life, I boldly (once or twice) with great fear or trepidation (most of the time) went to my Ma and asked for her advice, forgiveness, or just a hug. 

Ma sometimes cried, sometimes yelled, and sometimes just didn't say anything for a few days.  At the times when she didn't say anything, I knew that she was going to talk to her Boss.........................(She always called Him a Jewish Carpenter),,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

So, I would hand her tissues, sit with my head hung in shame, or try to patiently wait for her words of wisdom.....

She always came back to me with love, no matter if she cried, yelled, or needed a consult.  

Sometimes we added pieces

And sometimes we subtracted pieces.

Other times we just moved the piece over a bit...........

And she never failed to give me really, really good advice.  99.9 percent of the time, I knew that advice was some she had gotten from her Boss.....

He always knew what advice I needed..................and so did Ma.

I'm getting there, Ma...................I love you...............